{"id":1101,"date":"2008-06-02T09:29:35","date_gmt":"2008-06-02T17:29:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/?p=1101"},"modified":"2009-07-19T08:38:12","modified_gmt":"2009-07-19T16:38:12","slug":"evil-raccoons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2008\/06\/02\/evil-raccoons","title":{"rendered":"Evil Raccoons and Mendacious Students"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/gallery2\/main.php?g2_itemId=65694&amp;g2_GALLERYSID=TMP_SESSION_ID_DI_NOISSES_PMT\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/gallery2\/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&amp;g2_itemId=65695&amp;g2_GALLERYSID=TMP_SESSION_ID_DI_NOISSES_PMT\" width=\"113\" height=\"150\" alt=\"wounded-whitney\" title=\"Whitney bearing a hand wound.\" class=\"g2image_float_right\"><\/a>A few weeks ago, Whitney showed up to Chi Alpha\u2019s weekly meeting with a large bandage wrapped around her hand. I asked her what had happened, and she told me of a ferocious raccoon attack while walking along Lake Lagunita.<\/p>\n<p>This was not surprising to me. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.raccoonsareevil.com\/\">Raccoons are evil<\/a>. All right-thinking people know this in their marrow.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, they look cute with their little paws and their masked face, but <a href=\"http:\/\/next.bible.org\/verse\/2Co\/11\/14\">even Satan seems to be a beautiful angel<\/a> <\/p>\n<div style=\"display:none\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.vfilings.com?river_queen\">download river&nbsp;queen<\/a><\/div>\n<p> . No \u2014 raccoons are as evil as a subhuman mammal can be. And given that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stanfordu.edu\/dept\/news\/pr\/93\/930728Arc3176.html\">raccoons roam freely<\/a> <\/p>\n<div style=\"display:none\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.segd.org\/?solstice\">download solstice<\/a><\/div>\n<ul style=\"display:none\">\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/turtleconservationfund.org\/?vengeance\">vengeance movie download<\/a> <strong style=\"display:none\"><a href=\"http:\/\/yourrnc.com\/?before_sunrise\">download before sunrise dvd<\/a><\/strong> <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>  across campus, something like this was inevitable.<\/p>\n<p>Realizing that I was sitting on entertainment gold, I asked Whitney to keep silent until the announcement time, when I would interview her and allow her to regale the entire group with her&nbsp;story.<\/p>\n<p>After worship, I called her to the front and asked her what had happened. As she held her bandaged hand high and said, \u201cI was bitten by a raccoon,\u201d Desirae cried out, \u201cI knew those things were dangerous!\u201d  A hush fell over the room as she began to tell her&nbsp;tale.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>She and her roommate had been walking around Lake Lag when Whitney noticed a raccoon moving about in the bushes. She turned to her roommate to point it out and saw a flurry of motion out of the corner of her eye. The next thing she knew, she was being lunged at by an apparently carnivorous raccoon. She fended it off, suffering a grievous hand wound in the process.<\/p>\n<p>Her roommate, a pre-med student, gave her some quick treatment and then she headed over to Vaden health center for further medication.<\/p>\n<p>At this point, you could have heard a pin drop in the Chi Alpha meeting. Every student there was thinking of the many times they had seen raccoons rambling across campus, looking at Whitney\u2019s bandaged hand, and thinking, \u201cThere but for the grace of God go&nbsp;I.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At least until Whitney burst out laughing and said, \u201cAnd you believe me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cBwah?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Whitney said, \u201cI was making that up. I tripped and hurt my hand. My roommate said that was too boring and that I should make up a better story. So far everyone I\u2019ve told has believed me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The room erupted in laughter.<\/p>\n<p>For those keeping score:<br>\nWhitney: 1<br>\nGlen:&nbsp;0<br>\nRaccoons: negative infinity<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s why people should always come to Chi Alpha in person rather than just watching our meetings online \u2014 you never know what\u2019s going to happen when the camera\u2019s not running.<\/p>\n<p style=\"display:none\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.segd.org\/?rising_damp\">rising damp&nbsp;movie<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A few weeks ago, Whitney showed up to Chi Alpha\u2019s weekly meeting with a large bandage wrapped around her hand. I asked her what had happened, and she told me of a ferocious raccoon attack while walking along Lake Lagunita. This was not surprising to me. Raccoons are evil. All right-thinking people know this in \u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2008\/06\/02\/evil-raccoons\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> \u201cEvil Raccoons and Mendacious Students\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1101","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stanfordministry-news"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Ded-hL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1101"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1101\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2098,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1101\/revisions\/2098"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}