{"id":5067,"date":"2018-07-19T10:25:47","date_gmt":"2018-07-19T18:25:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/?p=5067"},"modified":"2018-07-19T10:25:47","modified_gmt":"2018-07-19T18:25:47","slug":"the-four-loves-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2018\/07\/19\/the-four-loves-friendship","title":{"rendered":"The Four Loves: Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_5041\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5041\" style=\"width: 192px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-5041\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/220px-The_Four_Loves.jpg?resize=192%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" alt width=\"192\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/220px-The_Four_Loves.jpg?resize=192%2C300&amp;ssl=1 192w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/220px-The_Four_Loves.jpg?w=220&amp;ssl=1 220w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 192px) 85vw, 192px\"><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-5041\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><em>Blog read\u00aders: Chi Alpha @ Stan\u00adford is engag\u00ading in our annu\u00adal sum\u00admer read\u00ading project. As we read through three books by C. S. Lewis, I\u2019ll post my thoughts here (which will large\u00adly con\u00adsist of excerpts I found insight\u00adful). They are all tagged <a href=\"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/tag\/summer-reading-project-2018\">sum\u00admer-read\u00ading-project-2018<\/a>. The sched\u00adule is <a href=\"https:\/\/xastanford.org\/summer-reading\">online<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now we turn to the sec\u00adond human love Lewis con\u00adsid\u00aders: <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/biblehub.com\/greek\/5373.htm\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">phil\u00adia (<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00cf\u2020\u00ce\u00b9\u00ce\u00bb\u00ce\u00af\u00ce\u00b1 \u2014 friend\u00adship<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you\u2019ve got\u00adten behind on the read\u00adings I encour\u00adage you to go through this chap\u00adter. While much has changed in the way we think about friend\u00adship nowa\u00addays (for instance, we val\u00adue it more than did Lewis\u2019s con\u00adtem\u00adpo\u00adraries), much has not. And the nature of friend\u00adship has changed not at all. Lewis\u2019s insights will help you forge bet\u00adter friend\u00adships and be a bet\u00adter friend. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Three com\u00adments before we dive in:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was curi\u00adous so I checked how often&nbsp;phil\u00adia is used in the New Tes\u00adta\u00adment. And the answer is only once (James 4:4), but its cog\u00adnates <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/biblehub.com\/greek\/5384.htm\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">phi\u00adlos (<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00cf\u2020\u00ce\u00af\u00ce\u00bb\u00ce\u00bf\u00cf\u201a <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">- friend)<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/biblehub.com\/greek\/5368.htm\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">phileo (<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00cf\u2020\u00ce\u00b9\u00ce\u00bb\u00ce\u00ad\u00cf\u2030 \u2014 I love)<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> occur fre\u00adquent\u00adly (over 50 times).&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Lewis fan\u00adsite Lewisiana tracks down most of the quotes and allu\u00adsions in the chap\u00adter: <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lewisiana.nl\/fourlovesquotes\/index.htm#CHIV\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">http:\/\/www.lewisiana.nl\/fourlovesquotes\/index.htm#CHIV<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And the C. S. Lewis Doo\u00addle chan\u00adnel has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3hM4izbColg\">Lewis giv\u00ading the lec\u00adture<\/a> upon which this chap\u00adter is based. The <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/drive.google.com\/file\/d\/0B9MmcPqIiEnKTWtnYmthbHNvNDg\/view\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">tran\u00adscript of his speech<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is also avail\u00adable. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"840\" height=\"473\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/3hM4izbColg?version=3&amp;rel=1&amp;showsearch=0&amp;showinfo=1&amp;iv_load_policy=1&amp;fs=1&amp;hl=en-US&amp;autohide=2&amp;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On to the con\u00adtent! This is one of my favorite obser\u00adva\u00adtions by Lewis:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In each of my friends there is some\u00adthing that only some oth\u00ader friend can ful\u00adly bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activ\u00adi\u00adty; I want oth\u00ader lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles is dead, I shall nev\u00ader again see Ronald\u2019s reac\u00adtion to a specif\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly Car\u00ado\u00adline joke. Far from hav\u00ading more of Ronald, hav\u00ading him \u201cto myself\u2019 now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. Hence true Friend\u00adship is the least jeal\u00adous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the new\u00adcom\u00ader is qual\u00adi\u00adfied to become a real friend. (page 783)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In case you were won\u00adder\u00ading, Charles is Charles Williams (a nov\u00adel\u00adist, poet, and edi\u00adtor at Oxford Uni\u00adver\u00adsi\u00adty Press) and Ronald is J. R. R. Tolkien (yes \u2014 that Tolkien). They along with Lewis were the cen\u00adtral mem\u00adbers of a lit\u00ader\u00adary dis\u00adcus\u00adsion group called the Inklings. They would read their writ\u00adings aloud to one anoth\u00ader and cri\u00adtique each oth\u00ader. If you\u2019re ever in Oxford you can vis\u00adit the pub they used to meet in \u2014 <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nicholsonspubs.co.uk\/restaurants\/southeast\/theeagleandchildoxford\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Eagle and Child<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Back to the main top\u00adic.&nbsp;This idea of two friends bring\u00ading things out of each oth\u00ader that allow me to appre\u00adci\u00adate each of them more is beau\u00adti\u00adful, and Lewis\u2019s the\u00ado\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal appli\u00adca\u00adtion of it is one that I have found help\u00adful when think\u00ading about the glo\u00adry of heav\u00aden:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2026the very mul\u00adti\u00adtude of the blessed (which no man can num\u00adber) increas\u00ades the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, see\u00ading Him in her own way, doubt\u00adless com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adcates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah\u2019s vision are cry\u00ading \u201cHoly, Holy, Holy\u201d <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to one anoth\u00ader<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (Isa\u00adiah VI, 3). The more we thus share the Heav\u00aden\u00adly Bread between us, the more we shall all have. (page 783)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">More prac\u00adti\u00adcal\u00adly, Lewis has some thoughts on how friend\u00adships begin:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Friend\u00adship aris\u00ades out of mere Com\u00adpan\u00adion\u00adship when two or more of the com\u00adpan\u00adions dis\u00adcov\u00ader that they have in com\u00admon some insight or inter\u00adest or even taste which the oth\u00aders do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique trea\u00adsure (or bur\u00adden). The typ\u00adi\u00adcal expres\u00adsion of open\u00ading Friend\u00adship would be some\u00adthing like, \u201cWhat? You too? I thought I was the only one.\u201d (page 785)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is one rea\u00adson why col\u00adlege is so exhil\u00ada\u00adrat\u00ading. You have so many more peers than you did in high school that you can eas\u00adi\u00adly find peo\u00adple who share your inter\u00adests. Your friend\u00adships in Chi Alpha espe\u00adcial\u00adly have the poten\u00adtial to become so sat\u00adis\u00adfy\u00ading because you\u2019ve already got your faith in com\u00admon, and on top of that Stan\u00adford itself, and on top of that your expe\u00adri\u00adence of Chi Alpha instead of anoth\u00ader Chris\u00adt\u00adian com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adty, and if you add on top of that just one more thing like a cer\u00adtain sport or a spe\u00adcif\u00adic fan\u00addom or a shared sense of humor then the odds that a sig\u00adnif\u00adi\u00adcant friend\u00adship will form are quite high.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not every\u00adone acquires those friend\u00adships, of course. Some respond by look\u00ading for friends. Lewis points out why look\u00ading for friends direct\u00adly is often coun\u00adter\u00adpro\u00adduc\u00adtive:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That is why those pathet\u00adic peo\u00adple who sim\u00adply \u201cwant friends\u201d can nev\u00ader make any. The very con\u00addi\u00adtion of hav\u00ading Friends is that we should want some\u00adthing else besides Friends. Where the truth\u00adful answer to the ques\u00adtion <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you see the same truth?<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> would be \u201cI see noth\u00ading and I don\u2019t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,\u201d no Friend\u00adship can arise\u2014 though Affec\u00adtion of course may. There would be noth\u00ading for the Friend\u00adship to be about; and Friend\u00adship must be about some\u00adthing, even if it were only an enthu\u00adsi\u00adasm for domi\u00adnoes or white mice. Those who have noth\u00ading can share noth\u00ading; those who are going nowhere can have no fel\u00adlow-trav\u00adellers. (page 786)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So if you feel lone\u00adly \u2014 pur\u00adsue some\u00adthing you\u2019re inter\u00adest\u00aded in. And then chat with those around you who are engaged in the same pur\u00adsuit. Friend\u00adship will often emerge. This will prove to be espe\u00adcial\u00adly use\u00adful advice once you grad\u00adu\u00adate and have to forge friend\u00adships with\u00adout the aggres\u00adsive help of Stan\u00adford Res Ed. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lewis also address\u00ades a peren\u00adni\u00adal ques\u00adtion among col\u00adlege stu\u00addents: can guys and girls can be just friends?<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the two peo\u00adple who thus dis\u00adcov\u00ader that they are on the same secret road are of dif\u00adfer\u00adent sex\u00ades, the friend\u00adship which aris\u00ades between them will very eas\u00adi\u00adly pass\u2014may pass in the first half-hour\u2014into erot\u00adic love. Indeed, unless they are phys\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly repul\u00adsive to each oth\u00ader or unless one or both already loves else\u00adwhere, it is almost cer\u00adtain to do so soon\u00ader or lat\u00ader. (page 786)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lewis is cor\u00adrect, and at this junc\u00adture I refer you to one of my favorite YouTube videos: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why Men and Women Can\u2019t Be Friends<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"840\" height=\"473\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/T_lh5fR4DMA?version=3&amp;rel=1&amp;showsearch=0&amp;showinfo=1&amp;iv_load_policy=1&amp;fs=1&amp;hl=en-US&amp;autohide=2&amp;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Near the end of the chap\u00adter he gives us a help\u00adful reminder: <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2026we think we have cho\u00adsen our peers. In real\u00adi\u00adty, a few years\u2019 dif\u00adfer\u00adence in the dates of our births, a few more miles between cer\u00adtain hous\u00ades, the choice of one uni\u00adver\u00adsi\u00adty instead of anoth\u00ader, post\u00ading to dif\u00adfer\u00adent reg\u00adi\u00adments, the acci\u00addent of a top\u00adic being raised or not raised at a first meeting\u2014any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Chris\u00adt\u00adian, there are, strict\u00adly speak\u00ading, no chances. A secret Mas\u00adter of the Cer\u00ade\u00admonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the dis\u00adci\u00adples \u201cYe have not cho\u00adsen me, but I have cho\u00adsen you,\u201d can tru\u00adly say to every group of Chris\u00adt\u00adian friends \u201cYou have not cho\u00adsen one anoth\u00ader but I have cho\u00adsen you for one anoth\u00ader.\u201d (pages 801\u2013802)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thank God for your friends!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Next week, roman\u00adtic love\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blog read\u00aders: Chi Alpha @ Stan\u00adford is engag\u00ading in our annu\u00adal sum\u00admer read\u00ading project. As we read through three books by C. S. Lewis, I\u2019ll post my thoughts here (which will large\u00adly con\u00adsist of excerpts I found insight\u00adful). They are all tagged sum\u00admer-read\u00ad\u00ading-project-2018. The sched\u00adule is online. Now we turn to the sec\u00adond human love \u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2018\/07\/19\/the-four-loves-friendship\" class=\"more-link\">Con\u00adtin\u00adue read\u00ading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> \u201cThe Four Loves: Friend\u00adship\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Some excerpts from and commentary on C. S. Lewis's chapter on Friendship in The Four Loves.","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[230,151,164,229,232],"class_list":["post-5067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-resources-reviews","tag-c-s-lewis","tag-friendship","tag-relationships","tag-summer-reading-project-2018","tag-the-four-loves"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Ded-1jJ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5067"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5074,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5067\/revisions\/5074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}