{"id":7757,"date":"2025-08-09T06:17:18","date_gmt":"2025-08-09T13:17:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/?p=7757"},"modified":"2025-08-09T06:17:18","modified_gmt":"2025-08-09T13:17:18","slug":"the-four-loves-friendship-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2025\/08\/09\/the-four-loves-friendship-2","title":{"rendered":"The Four Loves: Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/a>
The Four Loves by CS Lewis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Some of us are reading through C.S. Lewis\u2019 The Four Loves this summer for the Chi Alpha Summer Reading Project<\/a>. Every other week I\u2019ll post some reflections on the readings. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, I should mention that I was supposed to post this last week but got distracted by some travel and lost my sense of which week it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, I should mention that I posted some thoughts on this chapter back in 2018<\/a> on a previous summer read-through. My observations here are slightly different, so consider checking out that previous post (which includes a humorous video).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today we\u2019re going to look at Lewis\u2019s thoughts on friendship (philia \/ \u03c6\u03b9\u03bb\u03af\u03b1)<\/a>. This chapter is full of wisdom, and it also includes some thoughts that might push you a bit. If you haven\u2019t read it (or if you did and are hungry for more), the C. S. Lewis Doodle channel has Lewis giving the lecture<\/a> upon which this chapter is based. The transcript of his speech<\/a> is also available. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the preamble out of the way, here are some thoughts from this reading:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of the most striking insights in this chapter revolve around the unique nature of friendship. Unlike other forms of love, friendship is completely optional and inherently centered on common interests. As Lewis says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, \u2018What? You too? I thought I was the only one.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It can be almost anything that triggers a friendship: a hobby, a fandom, a shared experience, or even a shared annoyance. Moving from acquaintanceship to friendship usually requires discovering some commonality. Grasping this explains why some people struggle to make friends (as opposed to companions):<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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That is why those pathetic people who simply\u201cwant friends\u201d can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be \u201cI see nothing and I don\u2019t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,\u201d no Friendship can arise though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And so if you struggle with forging friendships, find something you care about and look for someone who also cares about that thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This suggests that if you are part of Chi Alpha at Stanford, then you\u2019re well-poised to develop great friends. You\u2019ve already got your faith in common, and on top of that you both have the experience of being a student at Stanford, and in addition you have the experience of Chi Alpha. That may already be enough to trigger a friendship, and if you add to that mix even just one more thing like a certain sport or a specific fandom or a shared sense of humor then the potential for a significant friendship is quite high. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are, however, barriers. Lewis at one point observes that if the world ever makes \u201cprivacy and unplanned leisure impossible\u201d then we will create a world \u201cwhere all are Companions and none are Friends.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is a keen insight, and it leads me to make this sorrowful observation: Stanford students, you are playing on hard mode. The way we use our phones makes moments of true privacy harder and harder to find (social media is often a blight, and the way some of you share your locations with each other is a source of much needless drama), and the typical Stanford schedule means that unplanned leisure is often nothing more than a dream. If you want to deepen your friendships, rebel against the tyranny of your phone and also against the insane demands Stanford culture puts upon your time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite these challenges, be encouraged! As Lewis reminds us:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u2026we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years\u2019 difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples \u201cYe have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,\u201d can truly say to every group of Christian friends \u201cYou have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

So if you lack friendships, pray that God opens your eyes to see that potential friends are already around you, and further pray that He blesses you with self-awareness and wisdom as you build those relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you have friends, thank God for them and be careful to continue cultivating those relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In either case, slow down (create space for unplanned leisure) and try to relate to your phones and social media in such a way that you\u2019ve got moments of privacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some of us are reading through C.S. Lewis\u2019 The Four Loves this summer for the Chi Alpha Summer Reading Project. Every other week I\u2019ll post some reflections on the readings.  First, I should mention that I was supposed to post this last week but got distracted by some travel and lost my sense of which \u2026 Continue reading \u201cThe Four Loves: Friendship\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[230,151,344],"class_list":["post-7757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-resources-reviews","tag-c-s-lewis","tag-friendship","tag-summer-reading-project-2025"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Ded-217","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7757"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7773,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757\/revisions\/7773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}