{"id":7757,"date":"2025-08-09T06:17:18","date_gmt":"2025-08-09T13:17:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/?p=7757"},"modified":"2025-08-09T06:17:18","modified_gmt":"2025-08-09T13:17:18","slug":"the-four-loves-friendship-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/archives\/2025\/08\/09\/the-four-loves-friendship-2","title":{"rendered":"The Four Loves: Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
<\/a>
The Four Loves by CS Lewis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Some of us are read\u00ading through C.S. Lewis\u2019 The Four Loves this sum\u00admer for the Chi Alpha Sum\u00admer Read\u00ading Project<\/a>. Every oth\u00ader week I\u2019ll post some reflec\u00adtions on the read\u00adings. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, I should men\u00adtion that I was sup\u00adposed to post this last week but got dis\u00adtract\u00aded by some trav\u00adel and lost my sense of which week it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sec\u00adond, I should men\u00adtion that I post\u00aded some thoughts on this chap\u00adter back in 2018<\/a> on a pre\u00advi\u00adous sum\u00admer read-through. My obser\u00adva\u00adtions here are slight\u00adly dif\u00adfer\u00adent, so con\u00adsid\u00ader check\u00ading out that pre\u00advi\u00adous post (which includes a humor\u00adous video).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today we\u2019re going to look at Lewis\u2019s thoughts on friend\u00adship (phil\u00adia \/ \u00cf\u2020\u00ce\u00b9\u00ce\u00bb\u00ce\u00af\u00ce\u00b1)<\/a>. This chap\u00adter is full of wis\u00addom, and it also includes some thoughts that might push you a bit. If you haven\u2019t read it (or if you did and are hun\u00adgry for more), the C. S. Lewis Doo\u00addle chan\u00adnel has Lewis giv\u00ading the lec\u00adture<\/a> upon which this chap\u00adter is based. The tran\u00adscript of his speech<\/a> is also avail\u00adable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the pre\u00adam\u00adble out of the way, here are some thoughts from this read\u00ading:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of the most strik\u00ading insights in this chap\u00adter revolve around the unique nature of friend\u00adship. Unlike oth\u00ader forms of love, friend\u00adship is com\u00adplete\u00adly option\u00adal and inher\u00adent\u00adly cen\u00adtered on com\u00admon inter\u00adests. As Lewis says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Friend\u00adship aris\u00ades out of mere Com\u00adpan\u00adion\u00adship when two or more of the com\u00adpan\u00adions dis\u00adcov\u00ader that they have in com\u00admon some insight or inter\u00adest or even taste which the oth\u00aders do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique trea\u00adsure (or bur\u00adden). The typ\u00adi\u00adcal expres\u00adsion of open\u00ading Friend\u00adship would be some\u00adthing like, \u2018What? You too? I thought I was the only one.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It can be almost any\u00adthing that trig\u00adgers a friend\u00adship: a hob\u00adby, a fan\u00addom, a shared expe\u00adri\u00adence, or even a shared annoy\u00adance. Mov\u00ading from acquain\u00adtance\u00adship to friend\u00adship usu\u00adal\u00adly requires dis\u00adcov\u00ader\u00ading some com\u00admon\u00adal\u00adi\u00adty. Grasp\u00ading this explains why some peo\u00adple strug\u00adgle to make friends (as opposed to com\u00adpan\u00adions):<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

That is why those pathet\u00adic peo\u00adple who simply\u201cwant friends\u201d can nev\u00ader make any. The very con\u00addi\u00adtion of hav\u00ading Friends is that we should want some\u00adthing else besides Friends. Where the truth\u00adful answer to the ques\u00adtion Do you see the same truth? would be \u201cI see noth\u00ading and I don\u2019t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,\u201d no Friend\u00adship can arise though Affec\u00adtion of course may. There would be noth\u00ading for the Friend\u00adship to be about; and Friend\u00adship must be about some\u00adthing, even if it were only an enthu\u00adsi\u00adasm for domi\u00adnoes or white mice. Those who have noth\u00ading can share noth\u00ading; those who are going nowhere can have no fel\u00adlow-trav\u00adellers.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And so if you strug\u00adgle with forg\u00ading friend\u00adships, find some\u00adthing you care about and look for some\u00adone who also cares about that thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This sug\u00adgests that if you are part of Chi Alpha at Stan\u00adford, then you\u2019re well-poised to devel\u00adop great friends. You\u2019ve already got your faith in com\u00admon, and on top of that you both have the expe\u00adri\u00adence of being a stu\u00addent at Stan\u00adford, and in addi\u00adtion you have the expe\u00adri\u00adence of Chi Alpha. That may already be enough to trig\u00adger a friend\u00adship, and if you add to that mix even just one more thing like a cer\u00adtain sport or a spe\u00adcif\u00adic fan\u00addom or a shared sense of humor then the poten\u00adtial for a sig\u00adnif\u00adi\u00adcant friend\u00adship is quite high.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are, how\u00adev\u00ader, bar\u00adri\u00aders. Lewis at one point observes that if the world ever makes \u201cpri\u00adva\u00adcy and unplanned leisure impos\u00adsi\u00adble\u201d then we will cre\u00adate a world \u201cwhere all are Com\u00adpan\u00adions and none are Friends.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is a keen insight, and it leads me to make this sor\u00adrow\u00adful obser\u00adva\u00adtion: Stan\u00adford stu\u00addents, you are play\u00ading on hard mode. The way we use our phones makes moments of true pri\u00adva\u00adcy hard\u00ader and hard\u00ader to find (social media is often a blight, and the way some of you share your loca\u00adtions with each oth\u00ader is a source of much need\u00adless dra\u00adma), and the typ\u00adi\u00adcal Stan\u00adford sched\u00adule means that unplanned leisure is often noth\u00ading more than a dream. If you want to deep\u00aden your friend\u00adships, rebel against the tyran\u00adny of your phone and also against the insane demands Stan\u00adford cul\u00adture puts upon your time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite these chal\u00adlenges, be encour\u00adaged! As Lewis reminds us:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u2026we think we have cho\u00adsen our peers. In real\u00adi\u00adty, a few years\u2019 dif\u00adfer\u00adence in the dates of our births, a few more miles between cer\u00adtain hous\u00ades, the choice of one uni\u00adver\u00adsi\u00adty instead of anoth\u00ader, post\u00ading to dif\u00adfer\u00adent reg\u00adi\u00adments, the acci\u00addent of a top\u00adic being raised or not raised at a first meet\u00ading any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Chris\u00adt\u00adian, there are, strict\u00adly speak\u00ading, no chances. A secret Mas\u00adter of the Cer\u00ade\u00admonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the dis\u00adci\u00adples \u201cYe have not cho\u00adsen me, but I have cho\u00adsen you,\u201d can tru\u00adly say to every group of Chris\u00adt\u00adian friends \u201cYou have not cho\u00adsen one anoth\u00ader but I have cho\u00adsen you for one anoth\u00ader.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

So if you lack friend\u00adships, pray that God opens your eyes to see that poten\u00adtial friends are already around you, and fur\u00adther pray that He bless\u00ades you with self-aware\u00adness and wis\u00addom as you build those rela\u00adtion\u00adships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you have friends, thank God for them and be care\u00adful to con\u00adtin\u00adue cul\u00adti\u00advat\u00ading those rela\u00adtion\u00adships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In either case, slow down (cre\u00adate space for unplanned leisure) and try to relate to your phones and social media in such a way that you\u2019ve got moments of pri\u00adva\u00adcy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some of us are read\u00ading through C.S. Lewis\u2019 The Four Loves this sum\u00admer for the Chi Alpha Sum\u00admer Read\u00ading Project. Every oth\u00ader week I\u2019ll post some reflec\u00adtions on the read\u00adings.  First, I should men\u00adtion that I was sup\u00adposed to post this last week but got dis\u00adtract\u00aded by some trav\u00adel and lost my sense of which \u2026 Con\u00adtin\u00adue read\u00ading \u201cThe Four Loves: Friend\u00adship\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[230,151,344],"class_list":["post-7757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-resources-reviews","tag-c-s-lewis","tag-friendship","tag-summer-reading-project-2025"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Ded-217","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7757"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7773,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7757\/revisions\/7773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glenandpaula.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}