So we have a rat in our apartment. At least some of the time.
We’re not certain of this, but our best guess is that he’s a refugee from our neighbors’ place. They’ve been trying to evict a rat for months.
And last night Paula and I saw him in our dining room.
We set out traps. He ate the food off of them and laughed at our antiquated technology. He must be a stainless steel rat (how’s that for a gratuitous geek reference?)
Our other neighbors have cats, and so we asked for a cat toy to set out. We were operating under the theory that rats fear cats and that the smell would drive him to safer realms. Alas–this is a bold rat who enjoys playing with cat toys.
So as a last-ditch effort, Paula and I are resorting to psy-ops.
We left a note on our neighbors’ door to woo him home.
Dear Rat,
Please come home. Our food is organic and better-tasting. Also our kid is cute and wants a pet.
With much love,
Dirk & Emily
In a very canny move, however, our neighbors demonstrated that they have careers in counterintelligence in case other things don’t pan out. The following was affixed to our door, directly facing the note that we had placed on their door.
Dearest Rat,
Ignore the sign on the other door–they just want to kill you! We looooove you!! And our kid is at a developmentally appropriate age to appreciate rodents. The other kid will try to eat you. Or your poop.
Love,
The Davises
Fortunately, Paula discovered a handwritten missive from the rodent at large which she delivered to Emily moments ago.
Dear Davis Family,
Thank you for your hospitality. You place was a great vacation spot. But now that the Robinsons are back I think I should go home. After all, winter is coming and their kid would be more useful in a blizzard, if you know what I mean.
I appreciate the thought behind your note, but I know the Robinsons quite well. After all, we share a bedroom (heck, sometimes we share a futon).
Signed,
The Rat
Yes, it actually says, “Signed, The Rat” at the end. Rats don’t get much instruction in writing letters at elementary school.
Anyway, I’ll keep you posted as developments warrant.
Rats are relentless. I have had them as pets and as invaders. BB guns work well on them, but that was when they invaded our barn. Guns and apartment living don’t mix. We ended up poisoning them. It worked. They all died. After shooting 14 of them (13 BB, 1 slingshot) we found dozens of poisoned bodies scattered about the lawn. But that is the problem with chemical warfare, it is not instantainious. Once again, this would not be good in an apartment setting. A dead rat in the wall probably would not provide an inviting atmosphere, or smell. I would stick to rat traps or glue paper. But often times you have to finish them off; always with the glue paper. And just some tips: rats will eat anything, except mints. They cannont burp, so carbonated drinks make them explode and are much cheaper than poison. Good luck great white hunter.
I might copy the letters off your blog and put them on mine. Nothing like a no-work entry!!
😉 Emily