As I was standing in line for security screening at a flight, I began to think about how ridiculous so much of airport security is.
I decided that if I were rich and bored it would be fun to buy thousands of nail clippers and stuff them into my suitcase. I suppose it would look like solid metal when the machine scanned it, and so a physical inspection would be required.
I imagine the TSA agents unzipping the suitcase and gazing upon countless nail clippers. At first they would be puzzled. Then, slowly, comprehension would dawn. I would wait one heartbeat after that moment of awareness, then yell to the passengers behind me, “Operation nail clippers is a no go. Repeat, no go. Run for it!”
And then as I rush off into the distance, I would cackle back over my shoulder, “This isn’t over. We’ll be back. Next time we’re bringing bottles of water! Your planes will never survive against our schemes! Bwahahahah!”
And then I would use my rich person magic to make the charges against me go away.
That’s what I would do if I was rich and bored. As things stand, I was bored but not rich, so I left my nail clippers at home and disposed of my deadly beverage and all you get is this meditation upon the security farce we endure when we fly.