Author: Glen

Bagels, Donuts, and Other Holy Things

We had a welcome brunch today for new students that we called, Bagels, Donuts, and Other Holy Things, which I thought was a rather clever play on words.

Bottom line: it went great. Our returning students did an awesome job of welcoming and hosting new students. This year is really looking solid, and I can tell that our returning students are getting excited about it as well.

Plus I just got off the phone with two freshmen who want to go to church with us tomorrow who weren’t even at the brunch. How cool is that?

How Students Have Made Me Laugh Recently

Presented without any context whatsoever:

I’m from Malaysia–the bigger the rat the better the food.

Student: What’s a sphincter?
Me: I will spare you the gory details–suffice to say that the question was answered
Student: You say that so matter of factly. Is that common knowledge? 

Student A: You know, it took me days to realize that calling our brunch Bagels, Donuts, and Other Holy Things was a pun.
Student B: Oh my God–I just got it.

Me at the aforementioned brunch: Some of you may not have realized that Bagels, Donuts, and Other Holy Things is a play on words.
1/5 of students: Oohhhh.…

Also, I should mention that the sunbathing sirens were at their stations again yesterday. Reflecting on the available data, I’m offering three conclusions:

  1. They really want to be noticed.
  2. They may actually be frosh (note that this is a reversal on my part).
  3. At least one is Canadian, judging from the white maple leaf on a red background that covered the leftmost portion of her rump.

Which leaves me with one burning question–why do they make bikinis in Canada? Don’t they own thermometers?

RunThere.com

While working the contact table on campus Alan told me about a website a friend of his has set up called RunThere.com. Which I think is funny because it could also be RuntHere.com–a site to help you find short people like me. Anyway, it’s a great site for runners or for anyone else who needs to calculate distance as the crow flies.

The Stats Thus Far

Stats at the end of the third day of New Student Orientation:

  • Hours on campus: 12
  • Number of new students who have expressed interest in Chi Alpha to the extent of giving us their email address: 39
  • Number of models who have signed up: 1 (really)
  • Number of atheists I’ve had prolonged discussions with: 3
  • Atheists who have helped me work the table and told those who walked up that Chi Alpha was really cool, if religion is your thing: 1
  • Number of Ph.D. candidates who have helped me work the contact table: 2
  • Number of students I have told we are a transgender group: 1
  • Number of students I have told that sacrificing chickens is what makes us different from the other ministries on campus: around 10
  • Number who laughed: 9
  • Sunbathers I have mocked from a distance: 3

Not Exactly The Trinity, If You Know What I Mean

Towards the end of our time on campus today, as the line to register bicycles extended into the dozens, three extremely curvaceous, bikini-clad upperclassmen began sunbathing in White Plaza in full view of the freshman bicycle registration line. I suppose they each wanted a fresh man. I would not be surprised to learn that they accomplished their goal–at the very least they gave the frosh gals eating disorders and the frosh guys neck cricks.

seen today on campus

While at our contact table, I spotted a student wearing a shirt sporting the word Juventus. Alan Asbeck and I speculated as to its meaning, finally deciding that it was a composite of juvenile and momentous and was used to describe events of cosmic significance to young people–such as a prom theme. Alas, it turns out to be an Italian soccer team.

An Unfortunate Mental Blank

As I was working our contact table today on campus, a freshman gal walked up and asked if we were a sorority (which makes me think I should wear something less frilly tomorrow).

As we are not, in fact, a sorority I tried to muster the necessary words to communicate that we welcome both males and females.

The obvious word is coed. What I should have said is, “No, we’re a coed Christian ministry.”

But I had one of those sudden inabilities to remember the appropriate word. My brain frantically raced up and down the halls of my mind to seize a word that would help her understand that Chi Alpha was both male and female.

I settled on transgender.

As in, “No, we’re a transgender group.”

Not my finest verbal hour.

As my brain slowly began to process the words that had come out of my mouth (which, distressingly enough, appear to be the overflow of my heart) I become less and less coherent as I tried to throw more words into the ensuing silence, not unlike trying to repair a bullet wound with more rounds of hot lead.

In the end, I think she understood. 

I suspect she also thought I was a sad, strange little man.

the inimitable Terry Pratchett strikes again

If you’ve never had the pleasure before, you owe it to yourself to read something by Terry Pratchett. He’s a humor fantasy novelist who actually makes me laugh out loud on a fairly regular basis.

I just finished his most recent book and stumbled across these two little snippets that tickled me.

Thud! (Discworld, Book 30)

[Nobby said,] “There’s a lot that goes on that we don’t know about.”

“Like what, exactly?” Colon retorted. “Name me one thing that’s going on that you don’t know about. There–you can’t, can you?” (page 42) 

And later…

“War, Nobby. Huh! What is it good for?” he said.
“Dunno, Sarge. Freeing slaves, maybe?”
“Absol–well, okay.”
“Defending yourself against a totalitarian aggressor?”
“All right, I’ll grant you that, but–”
“Saving civilization from a horde of–”
“It doesn’t do any good in the long run is what I’m saying, Nobby, if you’d listen for five seconds together, ” said Fred Colon sharply.
“Yeah, but in the long run, what does, Sarge?” (page 50)