beware the H1XA virus

I sent this email out to my students last night and received such positive feedback I thought I’d share it here for my fellow campus ministers to adapt for use on their own campus.

In case you just stumbled upon this through some random internet search, I lead a ministry called Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship which is abbreviated with the Greek letters XA. That should be all you need to know in order to laugh/groan/hurl tomatoes at the below email.

Members of the Stanford Community,

In addition to the H1N1 virus — the so-called “swine flu” — sweeping
our campus, there is another and more insidious infection to beware.

I speak, of course, of the H1XA virus — the so-called “divine flu”.

The H1XA virus is extremely contagious. Symptoms include joy,
friendship, and a profound sense of spiritual centeredness. Carriers
can be identified by their cheerful countenance, their moral
lifestyle, and occasionally by their stylish t‑shirts. Should you meet
someone already infected, know that there is no cure (especially if
they already have a t‑shirt). Avoid them lest you yourself be seized
by divine purpose accompanied by rapturous joy and immersion in
meaningful community.

There will be a public meeting tomorrow (Wednesday) night at 7:30pm in
370–370 to discuss this disease in more detail. Please know that
epidemonologists are available to help prevent this disease from
spreading. Bring everyone you know who is not already infected.

Do not despair. It will be tough, but we can pull through this together.

Should conditions on campus become unbearable, we can all flee to the
woods Oct 17–18. Get your escape ticket at http://xastanford.org/events

Sincerely,

Glen (a concerned member of the campus community)

Hope you find it useful. Or at least amusing. I’ll even settle for memorable. 😉

And if you’re a Stanford student who didn’t receive this little charmer, sign up for our mailing list at https://mailman.stanford.edu/mailman/listinfo/chialpha-fellowship!